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Tagged with eurovision

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Eurovision.TV

It’s become a little tradition of mine to give first impressions of the year’s Eurovision entries on the day the official album gets released.

This year, as last, I’m doing it in strict 120 character form: tweet sized commentary on every track.

I’ve listened to them all in the order they will be performed, rather than the order they appear on the album; for no other reason than because I can.

Semi-final 1

Sweden - I Can’t Go On - Robin Bengtsson

I love Swedish pop music and I love this track. If it survives this graveyard slot, I’d guess it’s a potential winner.

12 points

Georgia - Keep The Faith - Tamara Gachechhiladze

Even with a decent vocal and key change, nothing can save this uninspiring and incoherent ballad.

Nil points

Australia - Don’t Come Easy - Isaiah

This is as slick as usual from Australia, but it lacks the funk of 2015 and the sparkle of 2016. It’s good, but not amazing.

8 points

Albania - World - Lindita

Despite a fairly interesting middle eight, this song is fairly drab. I don’t like it. If I had to guess, you won’t either.

4 points

Belgium - City Lights - Blanche

This instrumentation is like a 9 year old that’s had too much sugar. Aside from some falsetto, its a bit anti-climactic.

1 points

Montenegro - Space - Slavko Kalezić

This guy is literally singing about having wet dreams in disco space. I don’t know where to start with that.

10 points

Finland - Blackbird - Norma John

Look, Finland: I don’t mind if you want a ballad as your entry, I just want a good one, not a snooze fest.

Nil points

Azerbaijan - Skeletons - Dihaj

This track sounds like I imagine a UFO’s engine sounds. It’s fun. It’s spacey-wacey. I like it, but don’t love it.

5 points

Portugal - Amar Pelos Dois - Salvador Sobral

Portugal are back! Unfortunately.

The only thing that song would good for is to help insomniacs finally get some shuteye.

Nil points

Greece - This is Love - Demy

Love, this is not, for this pop ballad cum Swedish House anthem. It fails to excite for more than a fleeting moment.

2 points

Poland - Flashlight - Kasia Maos

This is crap. But it doesn’t matter: the diaspora will ensure scores well regardless, as is the way of things.

Nil points

Moldova - Hey Momma - Sunstroke Project

*Hello Momma!** This is a fun, frenetic, funk-fest. Fun but not phenomenal. It’ll be good for a dance though.

7 points

Iceland - Paper - Svala

These lyrics are unintelligible. I love a good broken metaphor, but these are more broken than crumbling papier mache.

3 points

Czech Republic - My Turn - Martina Bárta

This low-budget, Michelle McManus, Pop Idol vibe is doing nothing for me. The final crescendo is totally squandered too.

Nil points

Cyprus - Gravity - Hovig

Normally I’ve no time for the dross Cyprus enters. But this? This is almost like Cyprus have put some effort in! Bravo.

6 points

Armenia - Fly With Me - Artsvik

Whilst the instrumentation is trippy, there’s less vocal punch in this track than on an overbooked United flight. Dull.

Nil points

Slovenia - On My Way - Omar Naber

This is definitely a lost track from a Disney movie that never got finished because someone realised it was rubbish.

Nil points

Latvia - Line - Triana Park

This high-energy track would be at home in European gay clubs, but with such over-processed vocals, it’s underwhelming.

2 points

Semi-final 2

Serbia - In Too Deep - Tijana Bogicevic

This is unexpectedly strong from Serbia. It’s not my favourite club-style anthem this year, but it’s a solid crack.

4 points

Austria - Running On Air - Nathan Trent

I only have one question about this song: Is this an advert for Nike?

This is fun, likeable song, but it’s no showstopper.

6 points

Russia - Flame Is Burning - Julia Samoylova

Russia have pulled out because politics. Having heard this track, I’m OK with: it’s one of their weakest entries in years.

Nil points

F.Y.R. Macedonia - Dance Alone - Jana Burčheska

Oi Macedonia! Icona Pop called: they want their song back!

This is a floor-filler: it’s 80s synth meets 2017 club anthem.

5 points

Malta - Breathlessly - Claudia Faniello

With this track, you never stop hoping that vocalist Claudia might really run out of air, just so the song ends sooner.

Nil points

Romania - Yodel It! (feat. Alex Florea) - Iliaca

So this song has yodelling.

It’s novel! It’s impressive! It takes about 30 seconds before it starts to piss you off!

1 points

The Netherlands - Lights and Shadows - OG3NE

Some beautiful multi-part harmonies, a brilliant middle eight crescendo, and (possibly false) key change. Great!

7 points

Hungary - Origi - Joci Papai

This is a completely incoherent mess of a track. Partly as I can’t speak Hungarian; mostly in the sense that it’s shit.

Nil points

Denmark - Where I Am - Anja Nissen

I freaking love this. Tub-thumping track, authoritative vocals and a bassline that gets you in the gut.

10 points

Ireland - Dying to Try - Brendan Murray

This takes way, way too long to get going, and by the time it does, it’s too late to bring it back. Just a bit boring.

2 points

San Marino - Spirit of the Night - Valentina Monetta & Jimmie Wilson

This song proves yet again that life’s too short to listen to San Marino’s Eurovision tracks. presses skip track button

Nil points

Croatia - My Friend - Jacques Houdek

Imagine Alan Menken had a gay-by with Pavarotti. Now imagine that whilst on a bad acid trip. That’s what this is like.

Nil points

Norway - Grab the Moment - Jowst

Aside from the graphic lyrical imagery, this is yet another Bieber-style affair that doesn’t stand out from the pack.

3 points

Switzerland - Apollo - Timebelle

There is more precision in the execution of this powerful, beautiful song than a well made Swiss watch. Just excellent.

8 points

Belarus - Story of My Life - NAVIBAND

What is this?! Terribly executed, folk-rock.

If I had a life as bad as this “story” sounds, I’d be asking for a do-over.

Nil points

Bulgaria - Beautiful Mess - Kristian Kostov

It doesn’t matter how much of a beautiful mess this is, it’ll never be better than Poli Genova from 2016. Never.

Nil points

Lithuania - Rain of Revolution - Fusedmarc

Remember the super annoying French horn from Theme Hospital’s sound track? That’s here in this really terrible track.

Nil points

Estonia - Verona - Koit Toome and Laura

Estonia going choosing a Shakespearean tragedy as the theme of their song is a bold and a self-referential choice. Poor

Nil points

Israel - I Feel Alive - Imri

This starts with purpose, builds well, and adds enough twists to keep things interesting throughout. A crowd pleaser.

12 points

Grand Final

Germany - Perfect Life - Levina

This appears to have sampled Journey; which is fine. I’m not falling asleep to it. I’m also don’t have the feels.

2 points

Spain - Do It For Your Lover - Manuel Navarro

Just bring back Ruth Lorenzo?

1 points

France - Requiem - Alma

I was thinking ‘how typically dark, moody and French’. Then WHAM, you get drama and sparkle. Pleasantly surprised.

5 points

United Kingdom - Never Give Up On You - Lucie Jones

They’ve done a number on this compared to how dull it sounded during our national selection, but that won’t save it.

4 points

Italy - Occidentali’s Karma - Francesco Gabbani

Apparently this song has something to do with a gorilla? Yeah, me neither. Basically a crappy Coldplay rip-off.

3 points

Ukraine - Time - O.Torvald

Ah, so Ukraine realised they can’t afford to host again next year then. It’s different: but that’s not a good thing.

Nil points